


the five stages of denial

by undodgedbullet



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Multi, Other, missy just has a lot of fantasies, no one read this thanks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 12:47:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19394458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undodgedbullet/pseuds/undodgedbullet
Summary: Missy hates River Song. She hates her annoying diary, she hates her ridiculous space hair, she hates her infuriating smile, she hates everything about her. In fact, there is not a single redeeming thing about her that Missy can think of.But for some unfathomable reason that she cannot figure out, the Doctor seems to think that she is attracted to River.(or: five times Missy wants to completely wreck River Song + one time she actually does something about it)





	the five stages of denial

_one_

Missy hates River Song. She hates her annoying diary, she hates her ridiculous space hair, she hates her infuriating smile, she hates everything about her. In fact, there is not a single redeeming thing about her that Missy can think of.

But for some unfathomable reason that she cannot figure out, the Doctor seems to think that she is attracted to River.

And okay, sure, River is in no way _unattractive_ — and even if she was, Missy’s sure she wouldn’t know because she doesn’t care enough to think about her that way — but that doesn’t mean she would ever spare her a second glance. She can’t even come up with an explanation for the Doctor’s reasoning for thinking this, _clearly_ he’s seeing something that isn’t there.

He’s brought it up once or twice in the past few weeks but he hasn’t mentioned it in a while so she assumes it’s safe to say he’s finally come to his senses and realized how absurd that idea really is. She realizes, however, that the Doctor has _not_ in fact abandoned this ridiculous idea when one evening they find themselves in his TARDIS, in the first bedroom off the console room they saw. The Doctor lays on his back, Missy towering over him as he writhes around her, and for the beginning half it’s normal but then he opens his eyes and looks up at her with a spark of mischief in his expression.

“What if River were here right now?” he asks. Missy completely freezes and the next thing she knows, her hand is reaching out and slapping his face. He only grins at her, not fazed in the slightest.

“I don’t _care_ about River,” she insists, remembering to start moving again. “Why are you even thinking about her when you’re with _me?_ ”

She tries to keep herself from thinking about it now that he’s said it but she can’t not picture River being the one underneath her, gasping in pleasure as she hits just the right spot, the bedsheets being fisted tightly in her hands because she almost can’t handle how good Missy is making her feel.

Despite her verbal objections, the Doctor seems to be pleased with her reaction. She tries to ignore it but her brain keeps wandering back to River, imagining the little moans she might make or how her back might arch.

The Doctor smirks at her like he knows exactly what is going through her mind and she immediately wants it gone (she most definitely does _not_ think about getting the opportunity to wipe River’s annoying smirk off her face) so she takes his wrists and pins them to the bed, hoping to distract him.

If she goes harder than she had been before River was mentioned, he doesn’t say anything about it.

_two_

“Are we ever going to talk about how you obviously have a thing for my wife?” the Doctor asks a few weeks later.

“No,” Missy says simply, a bit more than irritated that not only is he still pushing this but he’s choosing _now_ , when he’s on his knees in front of her, of all times to bring the topic up again. The amount of thoughts she has about River may have drastically increased since the last time but it’s not like she’s going to tell him that, even though he probably already knows. “There’s nothing to talk about. I don’t have a ‘thing’ for her, you’re just delusional. _You_ have a thing for her and you’re just projecting your own feelings onto me because I’m your best friend.”

The Doctor blinks, trying not to laugh. “I think you’re just in denial because you don’t _want_ to like her—”

“I _don’t_ like her,” Missy interrupts, insulted that he would even suggest something like that. “She’s annoying and she always acts like she knows everything and I don’t know how anyone can stand her.”

“I used to think the same thing,” the Doctor tells her. “I had to force myself to, because the alternative was admitting to myself that I was falling in love with her.”

“You always have such a way of ruining the mood,” she says, and he has to hold himself back from mentioning that the last time he brought up River it did the complete opposite of ruining the mood.

She moves her hand into his hair and pulls, yanking his head closer to her, where it should have been a few minutes ago. (She may or may not have to remind herself _not_ to think about River on her knees in front of her or River’s mouth on her. River normally talks a lot and usually it makes Missy want to punch her in the face but now she’s considering _other_ ways of shutting her up. She can think of much better uses for River’s tongue, it’s probably a very talented tongue, and— wow, Missy is so screwed.)

_three_

Missy finds herself in the Doctor’s lap, her lips firmly locked with his. He hasn’t mentioned River yet this time and she thinks she’s safe, because if she thinks about that woman ever again she is going to scream. (And she’d much rather make River scream, but she refuses to entertain that idea.)

The Doctor’s hips grind up, creating a rhythm, and he pulls his mouth away from hers slightly. She assumes it’s so he can breathe but he murmurs conversationally, “You know, I think she’d kiss you like this.”

He goes in for her neck before she really realizes what he said or what he’s doing. A noise escapes her throat as she feels his lips and teeth on her collarbone and a moment later, his words sink in. She makes another sound, this time it’s one of protest, but it turns more breathy when he bites down slightly. She puts her hands on his shoulders, meaning to push him away, but she only ends up clutching him closer to her as he chuckles.

“Shut up,” she mutters half-heartedly, but the thing is he’s actually kissing her differently than he normally does. He’s been with River for so long that he probably has memorized exactly how she kisses, and now he’s doing it to her, and if he doesn’t stop right this second then Missy’s brain is going to completely short circuit. “Shut up,” she repeats, trying and failing to gain the upper hand again.

“Oh,” the Doctor says, his tone a mixture of too innocent and smug for his own good, as he slides his hand down her body, “so you _don’t_ want her to touch you like this?”

“Doctor,” she warns, obviously struggling to keep her composure. She drops her head onto his shoulder when he doesn’t relent and instead continues to whisper to her all the things he thinks River might want to do to her.

_four_

She takes one glance at River and immediately remembers every single thing she has ever thought about her.

She’s vaguely aware that River is talking to her but she seems to be completely unable to focus on anything that isn’t River’s lips. They’re just— they’re practically _hypnotic_ , which is ironic considering who Missy is, but they’re just so gorgeous and she wants to bite them or kiss them or make them bleed or see them wrapped around her fingers or—

“Missy, are you listening to anything I’ve been saying for the past five minutes?”

Missy finally tears her gaze away and meets River’s eyes. “What?”

River looks amused and Missy briefly wonders if she _knows_. The Doctor talks about it all the time, he’s probably mentioned it to River. She’s going to kill him and then River and then she’ll finally be at peace.

“You need to pay attention and help me if you want us to get out of here.”

Oh, right. Missy had forgotten all about trying to get out of this prison cell. (Why did they want to escape so quickly, again? Surely there’s enough time for her to shove River against the wall and make her beg before they have to come up with a plan...)

Missy clears her throat. “So, what were you saying?”

_five_

“I _hate_ your wife,” Missy practically growls, not giving him time to react before she grabs him and pulls him to her. “I hate her, I _hate her, I_ —”

She cuts herself off as she kisses him, messier than she usually is, clearly very riled up.

“What happened now?” the Doctor asks, trying to catch his breath when she finally pulls away. He can’t remember the last time she was so enthusiastic.

“She’s just— she’s so infuriating and _distracting_ and I _hate her_ ,” she complains, making a noise of frustration, already reaching down to undo the button on the Doctor’s trousers. “I need her to die, I need her to just completely leave this universe, I need her to—”

“Yes?” the Doctor prompts when she cuts her sentence off, biting his lip as she moves her fingers further downwards. “What do you need her to do?”

“I need her to just _kiss_ me or touch me already or something, I don’t know, I don’t care, I just— Doctor, if you do not get your hands on me right this second I will kill everyone on the closest planet.”

“You finally admit it,” he teases, but he obeys, watching as her eyes flutter shut. (With her eyes closed, she can imagine it’s River.) “You could’ve gotten what you need a long time ago if you hadn’t been so intent on constantly denying it, you know.”

“ _Shut up_.”

_\+ one_

“I’m going to have to politely ask you to stop speaking before I punch you in the face,” Missy says, because if River continues talking then she can’t be held accountable for what she does.

River smirks at her. “I’d like to see you try.”

Missy stares at her for a long second and then pushes her against the wall, slamming their lips together before she can even think about what she’s doing. She channels all of her pent up feelings into it, pinning River in place and sliding a thigh between her legs.

“Do you have any idea how aggravating you are,” she murmurs, kissing down to her neck. “I don’t know how I didn’t do this sooner.”

“It’s about time,” River comments, and Missy can’t help but agree. She can’t even remember why she was so resistant at first; this is clearly the best decision she’s ever made. River tugs gently at her skirt, looking at Missy to make sure it’s okay.

“Do it,” she gasps, moving back up for a proper kiss because River’s lips are just as soft as she’d imagined and she kisses back just as hard as Missy, “do it like you do it with him.”

River knows Missy has wanted this for so long now, so she grins, telling her, “Yes, Mistress.”

And with that, River sinks to her knees.

**Author's Note:**

> missy's like that kid who has a crush on someone & she doesn't know how to deal with it so she writes them a note that just says "get out of my school"


End file.
